I know this game was stopped developing, but still, I decided to play it anw. Glad to say that I did. The plot is well written, and moreover, the romance feels natural and well-developed as well. I hope you carry on the good this game has to your upcoming title. Can't wait to try it since I got a taste of how good this game is. :3
i know its been awhile since this game was made, but i just found it and it was the happiest click of my life. i LOVEEE rens route and even though the game isnt updated anymore, it will always be one of my faves.I hope your new project gets started again soon I'm rlly looking forward to it :D <3
I just found out that the game stopped updating... I'm a little heartbroken now. This game has been my entire life since the initial release, and I even have stickers and postcards of Ren that I won in the Halloween Tumblr giveaway about 1-2 years ago- all hanged on my wall to this day! it makes me really sad, but I trust the devs to make an amazing new experience for us with "The Mars Notes"! This game will always be in my heart, and forever changed me as a person <3 and of course, I'll always have my little Ren shrine no matter where I go. Thank you for the amazing experience you gave us, and I can't wait for what's to come!
edit: still can't forgive you for leaving us on a cliffhanger...): maybe you can tell us the end/general direction the story was supposed to take, someday? because I would love to know what you had in mind!
another note: I have a sticker of the TND logo on my laptop (: can you tell how obsessed I am loll
When i tell you my heart BROKE when i realized the game is no longer being developed. It was literally the one game i kept checking up on for new chapters. But i'm so grateful for all the effort already put into it and i can't wait to see your future projects because i just KNOW i will love them all just as much as i loved this. Thank you for giving us this amazing story!
Hi! Really unfortunate that the game was discontinued, but im happy it existed at all. Thank you guys for giving us what you could. <3 I dont want to be rude or annoying, so im kinda embarassed to ask that, but do you think i could get a summary of how Ren´s route would go? I saw you answer to other people in the comments and figured you would by email or dm, but its completely okay if you cant or are tired. Be safe, and i hope your future projects go well. <3
I'm sad af but also I'm happy I get to see a new start <3 I'll treasure this vn even if i don't even know what happens next. Wishing you all the best <3333
Also can I just say...I'm kinda disappointed on how I didn't get to see any cooper x mc fanfic. Dilfphobic if u ask me 🙄
My heart is shattered over Ren's route for the next chapter not being finished so it will not be released :') But I wish you both the best. Sometimes life throws us curve balls. I look forward to what you will bring in the future!
I really wish the best to the both of you, in anything you want to do next. I'm very thankful to you for presenting us me the wolrd of TND, it is an amazing visual novel and you are so special to me for making it.
I have so much love for the both of you, so whatever makes you happy and confortable is the best call for sure.
I'm brazillian, so my english is not that good, but I hope that the fact that I'm very grateful to yall is clear
After doing Helios route idk if I can just go and start a different one with someone else <_< I literally can't- love him too much already But I'll probably have to in order to understand the whole story, right?
I absolutely love this. Some of the choices of the MC seem a bit wacky but all the plotlines of the characters are well written and I especially loved the background work for this game, both the artwork as well as the music. A few grammatical errors are there but not too many to take away from the experience. I played only Ren's route so far and the cliffhanger is killing me. Any estimates as to when the game will be completed?
Edit: I finished Louiver's route and there are a lot of mistakes both grammatical and plot related as well as spelling. SPOILER ALERT- At the end of chapter 6, Aaron calls MC to tell her Andrew is dead but again in Chapter 7 MC calls her again and is told that Andrew is dead like it's news to her. I understand that English isn't your first language but I would really suggest hiring someone to proof read coz it's a bit distracting to try and make sense of some of the sentences. Still love the game though!
Hello! Thank you for your comment ^_^ And thank you that you mentioned that plot mistake too! We will correct it asap, as well as we try to correct grammar too <3
Hello! We don't have such an order because every route is different and tells a different story) But if you want to expand the plot step by step, it is better to start with Loui, as his story reveals the least plot details ^_^
Okay, I'm freaking out with this game. I've already finished what's updated of each Selena and Emer routes, and my brain is gonna explode. I just discovered this game yesterday, but OMG I'll wait the rest of my life if it's necesary for it to be complete.
Even if the relationships, at least the ones I played, have high levels of toxicty, dude the story is really good, and I like that each one of the routes are so different between them. Also the artwork is beautiful.
hey! It's been 3 months since I wrote a comment asking if the game was completed to which I was replied back that the game wasn't completed yet. How close are you to your imagined story? You see I just absolutely cannot bear cliffhangers:(. So I was wondering if you guys were actually done with all the routes of certain characters? And will the game be released in early 2021?:)
I would like to thank you for this breath of fresh air. The atmosphere of the game is wonderful. I love something different and so well written. So far I've enjoyed this game and I'm anxious for what's to come next.
Writers...
Please let me know if you have written any novels. I would love to read them since I enjoy the writing style. If not, seriously consider it since you have alot of talent.
Creators and developer's...
I'd love to know of any other games you have created since I became a fan!
hi my loves! i've adored this game for quite some time and just downloaded the ch7 update. i'm trying to play the game from my previous saves (so i can continue from where i left off and just play ch7) and the game keeps telling me there's an error in the code and quits the game! am i doing something wrong?? TT;;
edit: also keep an eye out in your email!! i'm planning to apply to help with proofing/writing :)
Uh, so this is totally a non-issue, because I'm sure nobody in their right mind would do this, but uh, the text gets kinda wonky (cuts off a bit at the end of the text box, and once the character cap is reached, can't backspace to delete the characters unless you use arrow keys to go back a few characters and then backspace)
Joke name aside (lmao), really enjoyed the game :)
Hi!! I absolutely adore this game - I've actually made a few edits for some of the characters on my channel if that would interest anyone :D (P.S, if there is a creator reading this and you would like me to take down my Neptune Diaries vids, I totally will! Just wanted to show my love for the characters somehow :D
I just finished playing Ren's route. Or at least, my first run through in chapter 7 and holy moly. Just...wow, what just happened! I'm so shocked, I dont know what to feel. I'm SO excited to keep playing and testing out all the choices however!
Hi there! I wrote a review for the latest build of TND and posted it below. It includes some constructive feedback, but it is all given out of a desire to help and contribute beyond just playing the game. Even if you decide not to read my whole review (which I totally understand; it's long), I wish you the best of luck!! There's also a TL;DR at the bottom.
(Edit: Also, would you perhaps consider putting an 18+ flag on the game or adding a disclaimer at the top of the description page? It would be unfortunate for any minors or people who just don’t want to read explicit sex to get blindsided.)
--
Overall rating:
As of WIP build released Nov 7, 2020: 2.25/5
One-sentence review:
While the character and cutscene-graphic art is lovely and I have the utmost respect for the effort and tenacity that have doubtlessly gone into this project, I feel that The Neptune Diaries’ writing and story have ample room for improvement in the areas of technical correctness, purpose, style, and voice.
Completion:
Partial; dropped.
--
Detailed feedback and TL;DR below!
--
Summary:
I deeply apologize if any of this comes off as harsh/rude — I genuinely admire both of you for creating a game and putting it online; that’s such an insane accomplishment! I’m offering this feedback as an editor/writer and visual novel enthusiast out of a desire to help. The rest of the comments section does not seem to be putting forth any critique, but this may be because you have a feedback form somewhere else -- if so, I apologize for misplacing this post!
I imagine you’re still very much in the process of writing and editing -- as a player, I just wanted to offer some thoughts on some things to potentially consider on your next read-through. Of course, feel more than free to ignore my comment if you’re just enjoying yourselves and you don’t want some chick getting all ‘English major’ in your comments section. I won’t take offense at all!
Anyways, I wish you both the best of luck! You’re very tenacious to have come this far in such an ambitious project, and I’m excited to see how you continue your development. Have a good November; make sure to stay safe and wear a mask! :)
Writing:
It’s clear that a lot of effort has been put into this project, and I genuinely respect and admire that immensely. However, the most integral piece of any story is its writing, and I think that happens to be TND’s greatest opportunity for growth. The writing in the game is riddled with grammatical errors as well as what I felt was a plethora of clunky phrasing and repetitive sentence structure, which was amplified by vague worldbuilding and exposition. There were also many instances where things were worded in a manner that was just slightly off. The first time I noticed this was in the use of the phrase “people trafficking” by the police authority in the first chapter. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use that phraseology and it stuck out to me that an authority would misname that crime.
The style of writing makes me feel uncomfortable when reading intimate scenes. With all due respect, it feels to me like a story written by (and/or for?) a demographic a good few years below the age of consent, and the injection of explicit sexual activity into that environment makes me feel some...very unpleasant cognitive dissonance. Most of the characters are purportedly 20+, but the writing doesn’t evoke the way adults think and speak; to me, it sounds much more like a young teenager narrating the story, which adds a layer of distinct discomfort to the sex scenes.
Tangentially, I do not care for the first person semi-omniscient narrative framing in general. I feel that it, in this case, contributed to my age and repetition concerns, and it, in general, weakens the players’ abilities to immerse themselves within their own version of the MC.
So far, based on what I have read, it is my best guess that TND has not gone through many comprehensive revision sweeps — I think pursuing revision by an editor, a critique partner, a beta reader, or even a proofreader would be helpful. Someone who is experienced in writing but who did not work on the game could help point out grammatical and potential story/clarity issues that it would be harder to see for the person who wrote the text originally.
Story:
I’m so sorry to say this, but I did not feel terribly invested in the game's plot, due to both my feelings about the writing and a lack of compelling stakes for the main character. I don’t feel like I...know what’s going on when I read TND. The world-building feels a bit...floaty? undefined? For instance, beyond an inexperienced detective, who are we? What has our life been like? Why is a rookie assigned to a high-stakes human trafficking case (and, if it's abnormal, why is the main character not concerned at all)? I feel like I wasn’t able to get a grasp on the main character as a person, so it was difficult to empathize with them. However, I love the founding idea behind the story and I think there's a lot of potential there!
This isn’t a huge point, but I think it warrants some mention -- I don’t think the BDSM etiquette in Ren’s route is handled as well as it could be. I can’t endorse a lack of communication preceding any kind of sexual activity, but this principle applies triply when a participating party is planning on whipping out a deadly weapon during sex. The game doesn’t give you the option give fully informed consent beforehand or the option to withdraw that consent during the scene, both of which I think are important, especially given the…knife involvement.
Art:
As I mentioned earlier, the art is quite nice — especially the cutscene-graphic pieces, which are downright lovely. I think there’s a bit of a style mismatch between some backgrounds and characters when framed together, but the sprites themselves are good and have personality! The digital painting on Ren’s and Emer’s respective sprites especially stuck out to me as visually pleasing — very clean. Genuinely, I love the CGs; they're stunning. Kudos!
TL;DR:
Setting: Seems quite interesting once you manage to suspend your disbelief! I would love of the worldbuilding in the opening were more in-depth, but so far you definitely have a cool tidbit.
Story: Some logical inconsistencies and a lack of balanced exposition hinder my engagement with the concept some. However, in elevator-pitch form, the ideas at work seem interesting!
Writing: The many grammatical errors and the unyielding first-person narration made my reading experience a bit difficult and lacking in engagement.
Art: Lovely! Art style differences between backgrounds and sprites stand out occasionally, but nothing too jarring. The CGs especially are beautiful!
OK, you made it! Thanks for reading, and I want to emphasize again that I have absolutely no hate or other hard feelings towards the devs or fans of TND. All feedback is given out of benevolence and love for the art form. Best of luck again, and stay safe! :)
Unfortunately, we are non-English speakers, so there will be some mistakes in the texts. There is nothing we can do with it. Unless we just stop making games.
Now we will make a post for other users of this website and inform them, that they should not waste their time on our game if they are too sensitive to grammar mistakes :)
I just want to make it clear that I DO NOT think that TND is a waste of anyone's time and I DO NOT think that you should stop making games. That is the furthest thing from the truth of my intentions. Improvement in anything, including a second language, comes from critique, evaluation, and practice -- as I'm sure you know. I was trying to give feedback, as a fluent native English speaker and a fellow writer, in an attempt to provide help in that process.
There's no need to defend yourself from me; I think quite highly of you both for making a game, and in a non-native language. That's very impressive!
To be honest, I did exit the game without even saving because of the spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Am I sensitive? Not really. But I love reading, and those problems did prevent me from feeling immersed in the story.
I speak another language besides English. Could I write a story in that other language? Probably not without a lot of help, and I'm pretty fluent in that second language. From the type of spelling errors and awkward phrasing, it was clear to me before reading your comment that you were non-Native English speakers. You absolutely can fix the obvious spelling errors and replace some of the directly translated terminology and phrases with ones that are more authentic. I'm not sure, as I haven't played more than a brief bit of your game, but if your game is good, putting that effort in can make it very good, great, or even excellent. Up to you, though!
Alternatively, you could always write the game in your native language. I've played some VNs in the my next-most fluent language and found it very enjoyable, as well as a good way to build my skills.
Hello, @KrakenHive. We appreciate your extensive feedback and understand that there is always room for improvement: we are working on that. :) Thanks for taking your time to check out the game and sharing your insights with us. Have a great one!
Hello! Daria is speaking, I'm the one who is responsible for writing. First of all, let me thank you for the time you put into your review as well as for your intention to stay polite and constructive. I'm sorry for my colleague being harsh on you, I guess she was trying to defend me and didn't mean bad.
I'll gladly consider your comments and honestly doing my best to fix mistakes that I keep on doing even though I'm actually an English teacher. And thank you again for your time and opinion and being specific with details.
It's no problem at all! I know that constructive feedback, no matter how well-meaning and kindly-worded, can hurt and that it's anyone's instinct to defend the people they care about. I take no offense.
Like I said in my response to the first response, improvement comes through practice and mistakes! There are a lot of intricacies to English grammar and syntax, and you're already infinitely more competent with a second language than I could ever be. I hope I didn't discourage you; that was the opposite of my intention!
Again, I wish you both the best of luck!! Writing is an eternal journey, even for native speakers, and you're doing great.
And this concludes my Ted Talk on Selena's chap. 7. XD First of all - BEST WEEKEND EVER (Trump fired, chap 7 coming out); MY~ So worth the wait. There were some GORGEOUS CGs in this one. Simply stunning. *chef's kiss*
In other news: I Both LOVE and want to STRANGLE Brie -- her and you all, Dammit. HOW *DARE* you DENY MEH MAH SEX SCENE?!? I was all PUMPED, all 'Yea! Now I can talk shit to Ren folks BRAGGING about their AWESOME SEX(lovingly)' -- AND THEN YOU GIVE ME AN INTERRUPT. *FLIPS BRIE'S LAB TABLE, FOAMING AT THE MOUTH* Why u do dis??? My Detective's so Horn--*clears throat* Emotionally Constipated. ;) What REALLY upsets me is I'm not even complaining (for Emer's route either - love that we waited); Selena romance is a series of stolen moments and each one you get is just so Electric b/c you don't know the next time you're gonna get shot at.lol All I have to say is when you *DO* let me have mah sex, Selena will need a wheelchair~
Plot-wise, I'm Speechless - had NO IDEA ish was going to go down like that and I am Freaking Out(TM). This is Soooo Good. Ugggggh - I want Mooooar -- will we LIIIIVEEE?!? Hopefully Emer's route comes soon to tide me over - NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING SINCE YOU'RE MAKING ME WAIT <3
Thanks for this chapter !! I feel like it's already Christmas *_* ! THANK YOU ! The music was on point and the writing so fluid and the illustrations was beautiful ! The entire chapter was EPIC !
Yep, I think I'm emotionnally invested to the core haha ! I repeated the word "feel" a lot in this review because one of the major strenghts of this visual novel is your abilities to make us live the story. (Sorry for my english haha, hope it will make sense !)
*****SPOILER****
Damn, I felt like a badass Trinity in front of Helios !! And the declaration right after was SO EPIC !! I felt that hug >u< ! You made my heart a rollercoaster, I swear ! The moment in the wardrobe was so sweet, I couldn't help but smile, typical Helios :) ! I missed those moments with him so much.
OMG the end was mindblowing !!! This is a next level, like the stratospheric level lol, I guess Helios's value has exploded now haha.
Just a question : I hope we could see Steve in the next chapter ? I miss him !
H-Holy Moly what is this?! my dreams did come true at least this once, I knew my life wasn't just for nothing (kay maybe I'm being just a tiny bit overdramatic, but what can I do? I was counting days and I'm not even the type to do that), I just missed those babies way too much, they all just feel so much like home to me, especially Louiver, I'm a panromantic ace so his representativity feels so great and his deep self is so real and adorable that I just had no other choice, but to fell in love with him, and for god's sake, now I even feel jellyfish in my stomach. So thank ya Ryne and lulume, from the bottom of ma heart, I would totally sell ma soul for the both of ya (❤´艸｀❤)（〃｀ 3′〃）(❤ ω ❤).
And bro, chapter 7 is even greater than I've dreamed it to be. It gave me all kinds o chills, the art is mesmerizing, is breathtaking, marvelous, damn I'm in love again. And the history is sooo attractive and intense that I want to drown deep in it (I'm alreadyway way too immersed, tho)ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ
take as much time as you need! each chapter is a refresher from the real world, so i’ll feel satisfied as long as you appreciate your own work and make time for yourselves! <3
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I know this game was stopped developing, but still, I decided to play it anw. Glad to say that I did. The plot is well written, and moreover, the romance feels natural and well-developed as well. I hope you carry on the good this game has to your upcoming title. Can't wait to try it since I got a taste of how good this game is. :3
Hello!
Thank you very much for your kind words:) I'll do my best not to disappoint!
i know its been awhile since this game was made, but i just found it and it was the happiest click of my life. i LOVEEE rens route and even though the game isnt updated anymore, it will always be one of my faves.I hope your new project gets started again soon I'm rlly looking forward to it :D <3
I just found out that the game stopped updating... I'm a little heartbroken now. This game has been my entire life since the initial release, and I even have stickers and postcards of Ren that I won in the Halloween Tumblr giveaway about 1-2 years ago- all hanged on my wall to this day! it makes me really sad, but I trust the devs to make an amazing new experience for us with "The Mars Notes"! This game will always be in my heart, and forever changed me as a person <3 and of course, I'll always have my little Ren shrine no matter where I go. Thank you for the amazing experience you gave us, and I can't wait for what's to come!
edit: still can't forgive you for leaving us on a cliffhanger...): maybe you can tell us the end/general direction the story was supposed to take, someday? because I would love to know what you had in mind!
another note: I have a sticker of the TND logo on my laptop (: can you tell how obsessed I am loll
When i tell you my heart BROKE when i realized the game is no longer being developed. It was literally the one game i kept checking up on for new chapters. But i'm so grateful for all the effort already put into it and i can't wait to see your future projects because i just KNOW i will love them all just as much as i loved this. Thank you for giving us this amazing story!
Thank you for your kind words! I am extremely sorry to hear about your broken heart :( I will try to fix it with The Mars Notes ;)
same here ):
Hi! Really unfortunate that the game was discontinued, but im happy it existed at all. Thank you guys for giving us what you could. <3 I dont want to be rude or annoying, so im kinda embarassed to ask that, but do you think i could get a summary of how Ren´s route would go? I saw you answer to other people in the comments and figured you would by email or dm, but its completely okay if you cant or are tired. Be safe, and i hope your future projects go well. <3
Hello! ^_^
Sure, you can dm me (best way via email, but other social media from the list will work too )
i need to know too, wahhh!! please plsplspls
I'm very sad to see this project end, i was extremely interested in the story :(
Is there anyway you could tell us how it ends? At least a summary of what was planned for the end?
Hello! Yes, I can tell you the summary. Please, write me an email or dm me (choose any social media in the list to contact me ^_^)
I'm sad to see it go. But I'm looking forward to the future of your games.
I'm sad af but also I'm happy I get to see a new start <3 I'll treasure this vn even if i don't even know what happens next. Wishing you all the best <3333
Also can I just say...I'm kinda disappointed on how I didn't get to see any cooper x mc fanfic. Dilfphobic if u ask me 🙄
Don't be disappointed.
I am not done with Cooper yet (wink, wink)
PLS I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I LOVE YOU FAKJSFILAFGGAIEKJRBGKAÑ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My heart is shattered over Ren's route for the next chapter not being finished so it will not be released :') But I wish you both the best. Sometimes life throws us curve balls. I look forward to what you will bring in the future!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I really wish the best to the both of you, in anything you want to do next. I'm very thankful to you for presenting us me the wolrd of TND, it is an amazing visual novel and you are so special to me for making it.
I have so much love for the both of you, so whatever makes you happy and confortable is the best call for sure.
I'm brazillian, so my english is not that good, but I hope that the fact that I'm very grateful to yall is clear
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Obregada for your kind words! <3
Я люблю тебя всем сердцем.❤🧡💛💚💙🖤💜
its sad things had to end early, but it was fun while it lasted. I'm excited for whatever you do next(:
Thank you!
I will post about the future projects as soon as possible :)
The game will be missed. Team? You did good.
Thank you! I want to again apologize for the inconvenience :(
Chapter 8 will still be released on 7.08 (however, without Ren's route).
And I, personally, will move to another project of mine.
Don't apologize, shit happens. And I wish you luck with that other project- you'll do great, I believe.
Is there any way to access the CGs outside of replaying the story?
hello and thank you for your question! No, sadly, we don’t have CG photo gallery
updates: it comes with new update :)
After doing Helios route idk if I can just go and start a different one with someone else <_< I literally can't- love him too much already
But I'll probably have to in order to understand the whole story, right?
Hello! Not really, every route tells the same story from a different perspective :) but the detective story is the same in all the routes.
I absolutely love this. Some of the choices of the MC seem a bit wacky but all the plotlines of the characters are well written and I especially loved the background work for this game, both the artwork as well as the music. A few grammatical errors are there but not too many to take away from the experience. I played only Ren's route so far and the cliffhanger is killing me. Any estimates as to when the game will be completed?
Edit: I finished Louiver's route and there are a lot of mistakes both grammatical and plot related as well as spelling. SPOILER ALERT- At the end of chapter 6, Aaron calls MC to tell her Andrew is dead but again in Chapter 7 MC calls her again and is told that Andrew is dead like it's news to her. I understand that English isn't your first language but I would really suggest hiring someone to proof read coz it's a bit distracting to try and make sense of some of the sentences. Still love the game though!
Hello! Thank you for your comment ^_^ And thank you that you mentioned that plot mistake too! We will correct it asap, as well as we try to correct grammar too <3
Is there a particular order that you would recommend we play the routes in?
Hello! We don't have such an order because every route is different and tells a different story)
But if you want to expand the plot step by step, it is better to start with Loui, as his story reveals the least plot details ^_^
I shall also play Selena and Emer, they're both very important pieces to the story
I played Louiver's, Ren's, and Helios' route, in that order. And gods it just keeps getting more and more chaotic lol
Okay, I'm freaking out with this game. I've already finished what's updated of each Selena and Emer routes, and my brain is gonna explode. I just discovered this game yesterday, but OMG I'll wait the rest of my life if it's necesary for it to be complete.
Even if the relationships, at least the ones I played, have high levels of toxicty, dude the story is really good, and I like that each one of the routes are so different between them. Also the artwork is beautiful.
Congratulations for the work!
Thank you! <3 <3 <3
hey! It's been 3 months since I wrote a comment asking if the game was completed to which I was replied back that the game wasn't completed yet. How close are you to your imagined story? You see I just absolutely cannot bear cliffhangers:(. So I was wondering if you guys were actually done with all the routes of certain characters? And will the game be released in early 2021?:)
Thanks, would appreciate it if I'm replied back.
Hello!
No, we are not done with the routes. The story will be continued :) More 3 chapters done, will be done this year, can't be specific about dates.
loveeeeeeeeee the music and the story , but the music thoughhhhh . adds so much flavour and spice and everything nice .
This comment made my day <3
Dear creators, writer's and developers...
I would like to thank you for this breath of fresh air. The atmosphere of the game is wonderful. I love something different and so well written. So far I've enjoyed this game and I'm anxious for what's to come next.
Writers...
Please let me know if you have written any novels. I would love to read them since I enjoy the writing style. If not, seriously consider it since you have alot of talent.
Creators and developer's...
I'd love to know of any other games you have created since I became a fan!
I thank you all for your hard work.
Kind regards
Amelia
Hello and thank you lots for your comment!
Our team doesn't have any other projects for now but we sure will and as soon as we do we are totally sharing it :)
I started the game when I was Louiver years old and now I am Emer years old hihi. Thank you for this amazing game !
Happy belated birthday then to you :)
Hello, i love this game! I'd love to tip you, it looks like your ko-fi link is broken, i'm just getting a redirect
Hello and thank you for report! We don't use KoFi and we've forgotten to remove the link, sorry for inconvenience >.<
hi my loves! i've adored this game for quite some time and just downloaded the ch7 update. i'm trying to play the game from my previous saves (so i can continue from where i left off and just play ch7) and the game keeps telling me there's an error in the code and quits the game! am i doing something wrong?? TT;;
edit: also keep an eye out in your email!! i'm planning to apply to help with proofing/writing :)
Your bug note is taken :)
and we are finally back to our emails xD
is it completed?
no, it’s not
:( when will it be completed?
we can’t say for sure. We don’t have deadlines
Uh, so this is totally a non-issue, because I'm sure nobody in their right mind would do this, but uh, the text gets kinda wonky (cuts off a bit at the end of the text box, and once the character cap is reached, can't backspace to delete the characters unless you use arrow keys to go back a few characters and then backspace)
Joke name aside (lmao), really enjoyed the game :)
Hi!! I absolutely adore this game - I've actually made a few edits for some of the characters on my channel if that would interest anyone :D (P.S, if there is a creator reading this and you would like me to take down my Neptune Diaries vids, I totally will! Just wanted to show my love for the characters somehow :D
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCphaUoNfUiTesYLOvKbRaQw
Detective nooooo! what kind of self respecting police officer keeps their gun in a backpack! *noises of me banging my head on the desk*
:DDDDDDDDDD
Narration: This is my first real big case
Me: yeah and you're gonna die while you dig through your backpack to get to your gun!
Imagine if the detective went to pull out a notebook and their gun fell out in the middle of the lab. Awwwk-waaard
MC: Hang on just let me grab my-
*THUNK*
Helios: Is that... a gun?
MC: ... no?
Afflllglggg this is GOLD 😂😂😂
*bows*
I just finished playing Ren's route. Or at least, my first run through in chapter 7 and holy moly. Just...wow, what just happened! I'm so shocked, I dont know what to feel. I'm SO excited to keep playing and testing out all the choices however!
Hi there! I wrote a review for the latest build of TND and posted it below. It includes some constructive feedback, but it is all given out of a desire to help and contribute beyond just playing the game. Even if you decide not to read my whole review (which I totally understand; it's long), I wish you the best of luck!! There's also a TL;DR at the bottom.
(Edit: Also, would you perhaps consider putting an 18+ flag on the game or adding a disclaimer at the top of the description page? It would be unfortunate for any minors or people who just don’t want to read explicit sex to get blindsided.)
--
Overall rating:
As of WIP build released Nov 7, 2020: 2.25/5
One-sentence review:
While the character and cutscene-graphic art is lovely and I have the utmost respect for the effort and tenacity that have doubtlessly gone into this project, I feel that The Neptune Diaries’ writing and story have ample room for improvement in the areas of technical correctness, purpose, style, and voice.
Completion:
Partial; dropped.
--
Detailed feedback and TL;DR below!
--
Summary:
I deeply apologize if any of this comes off as harsh/rude — I genuinely admire both of you for creating a game and putting it online; that’s such an insane accomplishment! I’m offering this feedback as an editor/writer and visual novel enthusiast out of a desire to help. The rest of the comments section does not seem to be putting forth any critique, but this may be because you have a feedback form somewhere else -- if so, I apologize for misplacing this post!
I imagine you’re still very much in the process of writing and editing -- as a player, I just wanted to offer some thoughts on some things to potentially consider on your next read-through. Of course, feel more than free to ignore my comment if you’re just enjoying yourselves and you don’t want some chick getting all ‘English major’ in your comments section. I won’t take offense at all!
Anyways, I wish you both the best of luck! You’re very tenacious to have come this far in such an ambitious project, and I’m excited to see how you continue your development. Have a good November; make sure to stay safe and wear a mask! :)
Writing:
It’s clear that a lot of effort has been put into this project, and I genuinely respect and admire that immensely. However, the most integral piece of any story is its writing, and I think that happens to be TND’s greatest opportunity for growth. The writing in the game is riddled with grammatical errors as well as what I felt was a plethora of clunky phrasing and repetitive sentence structure, which was amplified by vague worldbuilding and exposition. There were also many instances where things were worded in a manner that was just slightly off. The first time I noticed this was in the use of the phrase “people trafficking” by the police authority in the first chapter. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use that phraseology and it stuck out to me that an authority would misname that crime.
The style of writing makes me feel uncomfortable when reading intimate scenes. With all due respect, it feels to me like a story written by (and/or for?) a demographic a good few years below the age of consent, and the injection of explicit sexual activity into that environment makes me feel some...very unpleasant cognitive dissonance. Most of the characters are purportedly 20+, but the writing doesn’t evoke the way adults think and speak; to me, it sounds much more like a young teenager narrating the story, which adds a layer of distinct discomfort to the sex scenes.
Tangentially, I do not care for the first person semi-omniscient narrative framing in general. I feel that it, in this case, contributed to my age and repetition concerns, and it, in general, weakens the players’ abilities to immerse themselves within their own version of the MC.
So far, based on what I have read, it is my best guess that TND has not gone through many comprehensive revision sweeps — I think pursuing revision by an editor, a critique partner, a beta reader, or even a proofreader would be helpful. Someone who is experienced in writing but who did not work on the game could help point out grammatical and potential story/clarity issues that it would be harder to see for the person who wrote the text originally.
Story:
I’m so sorry to say this, but I did not feel terribly invested in the game's plot, due to both my feelings about the writing and a lack of compelling stakes for the main character. I don’t feel like I...know what’s going on when I read TND. The world-building feels a bit...floaty? undefined? For instance, beyond an inexperienced detective, who are we? What has our life been like? Why is a rookie assigned to a high-stakes human trafficking case (and, if it's abnormal, why is the main character not concerned at all)? I feel like I wasn’t able to get a grasp on the main character as a person, so it was difficult to empathize with them. However, I love the founding idea behind the story and I think there's a lot of potential there!
This isn’t a huge point, but I think it warrants some mention -- I don’t think the BDSM etiquette in Ren’s route is handled as well as it could be. I can’t endorse a lack of communication preceding any kind of sexual activity, but this principle applies triply when a participating party is planning on whipping out a deadly weapon during sex. The game doesn’t give you the option give fully informed consent beforehand or the option to withdraw that consent during the scene, both of which I think are important, especially given the…knife involvement.
Art:
As I mentioned earlier, the art is quite nice — especially the cutscene-graphic pieces, which are downright lovely. I think there’s a bit of a style mismatch between some backgrounds and characters when framed together, but the sprites themselves are good and have personality! The digital painting on Ren’s and Emer’s respective sprites especially stuck out to me as visually pleasing — very clean. Genuinely, I love the CGs; they're stunning. Kudos!
TL;DR:
Setting: Seems quite interesting once you manage to suspend your disbelief! I would love of the worldbuilding in the opening were more in-depth, but so far you definitely have a cool tidbit.
Story: Some logical inconsistencies and a lack of balanced exposition hinder my engagement with the concept some. However, in elevator-pitch form, the ideas at work seem interesting!
Writing: The many grammatical errors and the unyielding first-person narration made my reading experience a bit difficult and lacking in engagement.
Art: Lovely! Art style differences between backgrounds and sprites stand out occasionally, but nothing too jarring. The CGs especially are beautiful!
OK, you made it! Thanks for reading, and I want to emphasize again that I have absolutely no hate or other hard feelings towards the devs or fans of TND. All feedback is given out of benevolence and love for the art form. Best of luck again, and stay safe! :)
Thank you for your comment.
Unfortunately, we are non-English speakers, so there will be some mistakes in the texts. There is nothing we can do with it. Unless we just stop making games.
Now we will make a post for other users of this website and inform them, that they should not waste their time on our game if they are too sensitive to grammar mistakes :)
I just want to make it clear that I DO NOT think that TND is a waste of anyone's time and I DO NOT think that you should stop making games. That is the furthest thing from the truth of my intentions. Improvement in anything, including a second language, comes from critique, evaluation, and practice -- as I'm sure you know. I was trying to give feedback, as a fluent native English speaker and a fellow writer, in an attempt to provide help in that process.
There's no need to defend yourself from me; I think quite highly of you both for making a game, and in a non-native language. That's very impressive!
To be honest, I did exit the game without even saving because of the spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Am I sensitive? Not really. But I love reading, and those problems did prevent me from feeling immersed in the story.
I speak another language besides English. Could I write a story in that other language? Probably not without a lot of help, and I'm pretty fluent in that second language. From the type of spelling errors and awkward phrasing, it was clear to me before reading your comment that you were non-Native English speakers. You absolutely can fix the obvious spelling errors and replace some of the directly translated terminology and phrases with ones that are more authentic. I'm not sure, as I haven't played more than a brief bit of your game, but if your game is good, putting that effort in can make it very good, great, or even excellent. Up to you, though!
Alternatively, you could always write the game in your native language. I've played some VNs in the my next-most fluent language and found it very enjoyable, as well as a good way to build my skills.
Hello, @KrakenHive. We appreciate your extensive feedback and understand that there is always room for improvement: we are working on that. :) Thanks for taking your time to check out the game and sharing your insights with us. Have a great one!
And we have R18 for violence, harsh language and erotic in the description of the game :)
Hello! Daria is speaking, I'm the one who is responsible for writing. First of all, let me thank you for the time you put into your review as well as for your intention to stay polite and constructive. I'm sorry for my colleague being harsh on you, I guess she was trying to defend me and didn't mean bad.
I'll gladly consider your comments and honestly doing my best to fix mistakes that I keep on doing even though I'm actually an English teacher. And thank you again for your time and opinion and being specific with details.
Hope you are having a good day so far!
Daria
Hi Daria!
It's no problem at all! I know that constructive feedback, no matter how well-meaning and kindly-worded, can hurt and that it's anyone's instinct to defend the people they care about. I take no offense.
Like I said in my response to the first response, improvement comes through practice and mistakes! There are a lot of intricacies to English grammar and syntax, and you're already infinitely more competent with a second language than I could ever be. I hope I didn't discourage you; that was the opposite of my intention!
Again, I wish you both the best of luck!! Writing is an eternal journey, even for native speakers, and you're doing great.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
And this concludes my Ted Talk on Selena's chap. 7. XD First of all - BEST WEEKEND EVER (Trump fired, chap 7 coming out); MY~ So worth the wait. There were some GORGEOUS CGs in this one. Simply stunning. *chef's kiss*
In other news: I Both LOVE and want to STRANGLE Brie -- her and you all, Dammit. HOW *DARE* you DENY MEH MAH SEX SCENE?!? I was all PUMPED, all 'Yea! Now I can talk shit to Ren folks BRAGGING about their AWESOME SEX(lovingly)' -- AND THEN YOU GIVE ME AN INTERRUPT. *FLIPS BRIE'S LAB TABLE, FOAMING AT THE MOUTH* Why u do dis??? My Detective's so Horn--*clears throat* Emotionally Constipated. ;) What REALLY upsets me is I'm not even complaining (for Emer's route either - love that we waited); Selena romance is a series of stolen moments and each one you get is just so Electric b/c you don't know the next time you're gonna get shot at.lol All I have to say is when you *DO* let me have mah sex, Selena will need a wheelchair~
Plot-wise, I'm Speechless - had NO IDEA ish was going to go down like that and I am Freaking Out(TM). This is Soooo Good. Ugggggh - I want Mooooar -- will we LIIIIVEEE?!? Hopefully Emer's route comes soon to tide me over - NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING SINCE YOU'RE MAKING ME WAIT <3
Thanks for this chapter !! I feel like it's already Christmas *_* ! THANK YOU ! The music was on point and the writing so fluid and the illustrations was beautiful ! The entire chapter was EPIC !
Yep, I think I'm emotionnally invested to the core haha ! I repeated the word "feel" a lot in this review because one of the major strenghts of this visual novel is your abilities to make us live the story. (Sorry for my english haha, hope it will make sense !)
*****SPOILER****
Damn, I felt like a badass Trinity in front of Helios !! And the declaration right after was SO EPIC !! I felt that hug >u< ! You made my heart a rollercoaster, I swear ! The moment in the wardrobe was so sweet, I couldn't help but smile, typical Helios :) ! I missed those moments with him so much.
OMG the end was mindblowing !!! This is a next level, like the stratospheric level lol, I guess Helios's value has exploded now haha.
Just a question : I hope we could see Steve in the next chapter ? I miss him !
Now, I'm gonna play the other MC's route héhé !
GREAT JOB !! Thank you again !!
Hello! Thank you for your words! <3
Of course you can see him, he is, safe and sound, waiting for him owner to be back :3
Yeahh, I'm relieved, thanks for your answer !
Hey, thanks for the music comment. This makes my day <3
H-Holy Moly what is this?! my dreams did come true at least this once, I knew my life wasn't just for nothing (kay maybe I'm being just a tiny bit overdramatic, but what can I do? I was counting days and I'm not even the type to do that), I just missed those babies way too much, they all just feel so much like home to me, especially Louiver, I'm a panromantic ace so his representativity feels so great and his deep self is so real and adorable that I just had no other choice, but to fell in love with him, and for god's sake, now I even feel jellyfish in my stomach. So thank ya Ryne and lulume, from the bottom of ma heart, I would totally sell ma soul for the both of ya (❤´艸｀❤)（〃｀ 3′〃）(❤ ω ❤).
And bro, chapter 7 is even greater than I've dreamed it to be. It gave me all kinds o chills, the art is mesmerizing, is breathtaking, marvelous, damn I'm in love again. And the history is sooo attractive and intense that I want to drown deep in it (I'm alreadyway way too immersed, tho)ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ
Love ya.
!!
Thank you so much!
We are super happy to hear such words <3
And we are happy, that you feel great about ace representation, It makes our work meaningful!
I just finished Chapter 7... HOLY SHIIIT!?!?!?! This is so intriguing and I can't wait for Chapter 8. Amazing as always!
<3
Thank you! We hope next chapter will not take so much time to do as this one <3
take as much time as you need! each chapter is a refresher from the real world, so i’ll feel satisfied as long as you appreciate your own work and make time for yourselves! <3
Hello there 👀👀 How u guys doing?
We a preparing all our platforms for chapter 7..... which comes out TODAY *0*
Can't wait for chapter 7 !! Wow, the character are so damn well-written ! Big applause for the music and the illustrations !! Thank you !